I recently re-read a favorite book of mine, The Four Agreements, by Don Miguel Ruiz. It's a book I've read again and again, and each time it reminds me of how important it is to pay attention to how I'm living my life. I thought it might be fun to explore each of the four agreements, and how to walk with them in our day-to-day lives.The first agreement is Be Impeccable with Your Word. Now, we hear all kinds of cautions about this concept in our daily lives: Be careful what you ask for. Watch your mouth, young lady (man)! If you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all. Any of these sound familiar? These cautions call attention to the impact of the spoken word. But what does it mean to be impeccable with your word?
On an energetic level, words are incredibly powerful. Words bring your thoughts and emotions into form; it's sort of like they crystallize energy in your field. Words are, in reality, how we create our reality. When we speak words, our ideas become real-ized. This is no small thing.
Consequently, being mindful, or impeccable, with our words is hugely important. For one thing, once we've spoken words, there really is no taking them back. Often we'll hear someone say "I didn't mean what I said." Well, personally, I don't buy this. I think we always mean what we say. Where did the words come from if they didn't come from within our thoughts, our emotions? Maybe we didn't mean to speak them out loud - and often, it's better if we don't. But words always come from within us. And, once spoken, words of impact will seldom be forgotten. You may be forgiven for what you said, but that impact lingers.
All the more reason to carefully consider our words before we speak them. Of course, we have a wide range of thoughts, emotions, reactions that run inside of us. As humans, it's sort of how we're wired. And, we also have the ability to consider our words before they come out of our mouth. To consider the impact. To consider what we're creating with our words.
One of the most common, and perhaps most careless and damaging, negative use of words is gossip. Think about how it feels when you know someone is gossiping about you. Speaking judgments and assumptions out into the field about you (more on this when we talk about the second agreement, Don't Take Anything Personally). Doesn't feel so great, right?
Now think about how it feels when you are gossiping about someone else. It's so easy to get pulled into this type of conversation. It's become a social thing in our culture, to talk about others (more on this when we talk about the third agreement, Don't Make Assumptions). But, for me, it never feels good to gossip about others. I feel a little sick to my stomach. It never feels right. I think of my mother's words, which are a legacy she passed down to me that left an enormous impact: never treat others in a way you wouldn't want to be treated.
This is not to say that we have to become so trapped we feel we can't speak! Ruiz makes the distinction between repressing our words, which happens when we're afraid to say what we want to say, and growing the ability to refrain, or to be in control of our words. To refrain is to hold the emotions and to express them in the right moment. To do our own inner work, rather than project our yuck all over someone else. To think, and feel, and honor ourselves and others before we speak.
Is this a process to perfection? No way. We are human. We are learning each and every moment. It's definitely a process, though. It's a process to pay attention to how we're showing up in our lives. To pay attention to our words, what we're crystallizing into the field. And, all we can do is our best (which just so happens to be the fourth agreement, Always Do Your Best. More on that later...).
So, just for today, pay attention to your words. Pay attention to the words of those around you. Notice how they feel as they enter the field around you. Begin to notice their power. Play with the energy of your words, knowing that you are the master, you are always in control of the energy you're putting into the field.
And maybe you'll want to continue this play tomorrow, and the next day...
