Can Curiosity Trump Fear?

I had a very interesting conversation with an old friend yesterday. He called to wish me a happy birthday and, as so often happens these days, politics made a brief, polite appearance. And, as so often happens these days, we rapidly tap-danced our way out of the exchange and changed the subject to less “unpleasant” topics. I am, however, left with an uneasy feeling and so many questions.

How did we come to this place where people—even those who share many common world views—find it so difficult to have a conversation about the state of the world? Why IS it so uncomfortable? Because it was uncomfortable. 

He commented he is watching a lot of MSNBC, which prompted my comment that I don’t watch the news programs, that I am equally disgusted with the liberal and the conservative media for manipulating the truth to push their agenda. That I don’t believe any of them. My comment was met with something along this line: “Well, then Trump has won. That’s what happened in Nazi Germany, they manipulated the people so they didn’t believe anyone...” Some general comments about not closing our eyes to what’s happening, and the presence of true evil in this world…and we wound up at what has become a familiar choice point. Do we dive in to this debate? Share our thoughts and opinions, with open curiosity? Or do we perform a side step in our dance and move on to less unpleasant things?

It was a birthday call. I had someplace I needed to be shortly. And…it was, well, uncomfortable. So…pirouette! About face! Scramble!

The overall conversation was pleasant, a sweet re-connection after many years. And, it was disturbing. 

For me, the presence of good and evil in the world is an illusion born of separation. When we paint someone or some group as purely evil, we reinforce the separation that already exists, and we place ourselves squarely in the “good” camp. We shore up our defenses, build our case, align with people who think like us. This is how wars are started, and make no mistake about it, the dynamic of war is alive in our society. To the point where we may wind up creating separation from the people we know and love, who we maybe even respect, if they view things a bit differently.

I am aware that I made a choice during that call. My friend and I joined together in a mutual pirouette. It is still very much a challenge for me to lean in to uncomfortable conversations. To bring my voice forward when I feel someone is not hearing me. When I feel someone is making an assumption that not viewing the matter the way they do means I am somehow ignorant or closing my eyes to the situation. Au contraire. My eyes are wide open.

From my perspective, holding a broader view of what’s happening in this country, in this world, is exactly what is needed. Seeing the truth of what is unfolding—all of it, from all factions, is critically important. There is truth in every perspective, and it is possible for us to hold all truth, even conflicting truths. Until we are able to respect each other enough to have difficult conversations, to loosen our death grip on our “truth,” we will remain in the same kettle of soup we’re in right now. Adversarial. Judgmental. And beneath all of the it, fearful. 

Fear is what drives us into our separate camps. And camps must be defended. And when we do that, we live in a perpetual state of war.

It is so important to welcome these conversations. I am learning to lean in. I see it, but so often after the fact. After the conversation has happened, after the pirouette. I aspire to be open and aware enough to lean in during those exchanges. To engage my curiosity, to learn more about other perspectives. For now, all I can do is go back and invite the conversation with my friend. And that, I will do.

How do you manage these types of situations?

A Deeper Spiritual Experience of Life

Every once in awhile I get a call or message that goes something like this: Do you know anything about meditation/chakras/reiki/spirituality? You seem like you might have some thoughts on this.

Well, I do have some thoughts on this, and have spent the last thirty years exploring the territory of spirituality in many forms. However, when it comes to offering advice, I feel somewhat paralyzed. My first inclination is to share my most powerful meditation practices and favorite recordings that help me find my zone. Then I remember how much that sucks, when someone comes forward with a 'recipe' that works for them, and I find it doesn't work for me at all. Epic fail. Opportunity for those voices inside to chime in, a chorus of "See, I told ya you can't meditate!"

These requests for help and advice are very real and soul-felt, and I would neither want to disregard them or offer a recipe. My wish is for everyone to find their own way into a deeper spiritual experience of life.

So, here's my advice: The only way forward in the discovery of a deeper spiritual experience of life is to find your way forward. This process is completely unique for each one of us, and there are countless tools out there to help you on your journey. The trick is to hold the intention of deepening, survey the options that are out there, and try new practices. Often. They don't call it the practice of meditation for no reason.

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I have found a daily practice to be key in my overall well-being and happiness. I know for most folks this conjures images of me sitting in lotus position like a yogini (riiigght - my knees would never tolerate lotus position!), and blissing out each morning with gongs and bells playing in the background. Mind you, sometimes I do that (minus the lotus position—I'm nice and comfy in my recliner). And sometimes my morning practice is sipping a cafe latte in the quiet as I watch the sun announce itself to the New Mexico sky. Maybe I'm in the mood for some movement, so I begin my day with some simple stretches or yoga, or an early morning walk. Or, like today, my contemplations find their way onto the page in the form of writing, or are recorded on my handy-dandy iPhone. Maybe some reading, or just sitting in the quiet.

My point is, I need to mix it up a lot. I hold the intention for a daily time of reflection, and most days I do that. Not every single day, that's just not reality. But I find I miss it when I don't. That time of reflection has become an anchor for me. I've learned to be quiet, to hear my own thoughts, to slip underneath the busy mind-chatter into my deep thoughts. To listen to my inner knowing. To respect and honor that knowing as if it came from the wisest sage. Because it did—no one can possibly know what's right for me better than me, myself.

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Perhaps the toughest part of starting any kind of practice is making the commitment and carving out the time and space to do it. Maybe that's a practice in itself—sitting with your feelings about making that choice. Does it make you feel proud? Peaceful? Happy? Selfish? Restless? Indulgent? Allow that process to unfold over the course of days, weeks, or even months until you feel ready for something different. Then explore other options.



There are many. Have some fun with searching them out. Pay attention to what grabs your attention, or lights up for you. Pay attention to what shows up! Here are some options I'm aware of:

• Get yourself outside in nature. Breathe in. Breathe out. Look around you. Tune in to the beauty. Put your feet on the ground. Ahhh....
• Oprah has teamed up with Deepak Chopra to provide meditation guidance in a series of 21-day Meditation Challenges. Read more info or sign up at oprah.com/meditate.
• Get some meditation music, and just listen to it. Maybe even on the way to or from work (no lotus position or closed eyes, please!). Some of my favorites are Stephen Halpern's Deep Theta, Gary Malkin's Unspeakable Grace, Eckhart Tolle's Music to Quiet the Mind, and 33 Bowls Tibetan Singing Bowls.  
• If you're wanting to really go "out there," Tom Kenyon's website offers lots of free information and recordings based on his work with The Hathors and Mary Magdaline. He is a master when it comes to the power of sound, and his other-worldly recordings can provide an entry portal into altered states of consciousness.Take a trip to his website and see if he strikes a chord with you.
• There is a ton of information out there on mindfulness, which is not only practical throughout your day, but can help you build a practice of meditation. Do a search on it and see what you find.
• Take a class on meditation, or yoga, or Reiki, or any of the many other options out there. Maybe it doesn't end up opening a new life-path for you, but often a class can open other doors for you, broaden your understanding of what you like and don't like, and help you meet other like-minded seekers.
• Challenge yourself with some evocative reading. I'm fascinated by the meeting place between human consciousness and quantum physics. This is not for everyone, but I love books like The Field by Lynne McTaggert, or books by Barbara Marciniak including Bringers of the Dawn. Books like these push my edges, and help me entertain ideas of a much bigger world than the one we routinely perceive.

These suggestions are just that—suggestions. The main take-away here is that it's YOUR journey, completely defined by you and conducted in a way that works for you. Morning, mid-day, evening, rotating—you decide the time of day. The amount of time. It's the intention that matters, the process of learning to put yourself absolutely first for those moments in time. Toss aside any presumptions about what it has to look like or feel like, and just be present with what is. It might even be super uncomfortable for awhile, but stick with it! You'll find your way...because it's your way to fnd.

We are living in an amazing, transitional time. Whenever one of us carves out the time and space to tune in and listen, we are making a contribution to the collective whole of humanity. It's important. Not only for ourselves and our own sanity, but in terms of forging a new path forward for all.

With love and respect,

Zardoya