I had a very interesting conversation with an old friend
yesterday. He called to wish me a happy birthday and, as so often happens these
days, politics made a brief, polite appearance. And, as so often happens these
days, we rapidly tap-danced our way out of the exchange and changed the subject
to less “unpleasant” topics. I am, however, left with an uneasy feeling and so
many questions.
How did we come to this place where people—even those who
share many common world views—find it so difficult to have a conversation about
the state of the world? Why IS it so uncomfortable? Because it was
uncomfortable.
He commented he is watching a lot of MSNBC, which prompted my
comment that I don’t watch the news programs, that I am equally disgusted with
the liberal and the conservative media for manipulating the truth to push their
agenda. That I don’t believe any of them. My comment was met with something
along this line: “Well, then Trump has won. That’s what happened in Nazi
Germany, they manipulated the people so they didn’t believe anyone...” Some
general comments about not closing our eyes to what’s happening, and the
presence of true evil in this world…and we wound up at what has become a
familiar choice point. Do we dive in to this debate? Share our thoughts and
opinions, with open curiosity? Or do we perform a side step in our dance and
move on to less unpleasant things?
It was a birthday call. I had someplace I needed to be
shortly. And…it was, well, uncomfortable. So…pirouette! About face! Scramble!
The overall conversation was pleasant, a sweet re-connection
after many years. And, it was disturbing.
For me, the presence of good and evil
in the world is an illusion born of separation. When we paint someone or some
group as purely evil, we reinforce the separation that already exists, and we
place ourselves squarely in the “good” camp. We shore up our defenses, build
our case, align with people who think like us. This is how wars are started,
and make no mistake about it, the dynamic of war is alive in our society. To
the point where we may wind up creating separation from the people we know and
love, who we maybe even respect, if they view things a bit differently.
I am aware that I made a choice during that call. My friend
and I joined together in a mutual pirouette. It is still very much a challenge
for me to lean in to uncomfortable conversations. To bring my voice forward
when I feel someone is not hearing me. When I feel someone is making an
assumption that not viewing the matter the way they do means I am somehow
ignorant or closing my eyes to the situation. Au contraire. My eyes are wide open.
From my perspective, holding a broader view of what’s
happening in this country, in this world, is exactly what is needed. Seeing the
truth of what is unfolding—all of it,
from all factions, is critically
important. There is truth in every perspective, and it is possible for us to
hold all truth, even conflicting truths. Until we are able to respect each
other enough to have difficult conversations, to loosen our death grip on our
“truth,” we will remain in the same kettle of soup we’re in right now.
Adversarial. Judgmental. And beneath all of the it, fearful.
Fear is what drives us into our separate camps. And camps
must be defended. And when we do that, we live in a perpetual state of war.
It is so important to welcome these conversations. I am
learning to lean in. I see it, but so often after the fact. After the
conversation has happened, after the pirouette. I aspire to be open and aware
enough to lean in during those exchanges. To engage my curiosity, to learn more
about other perspectives. For now, all I can do is go back and invite the
conversation with my friend. And that, I will do.
How do you manage these types of situations?
