Spring Emergenc(y)

I've been struck by the idea of emergence lately...perhaps triggered by the extraordinary, delayed spring here in Minnesota, and my longing for the emergence of the warm sun and some green-ness and flowers. However, I'm thinking it's more about an inner process I’ve been going through over the course of this past year or so. I’ve been deep into figuring out how to express myself from the authentic core of my being (this, apparently, is what can happen when one enters her fifties). Whatever the cause, emergence is up for me. I find myself turning it around and around in my mind and heart, noticing all kinds of ways emergence emerges in each day.

What I'm aware of is the challenge of allowing that comes with emergence. Allowing often means slowing down, listening carefully. Even...gasp...waiting! We (and I mean the collective "we" here) don't like to wait! In our society, it's much more common - and in many ways, more comfortable - to treat everything as if it were an emergenc-y! We want it right now, as soon as we're aware of the desire.

Okay, if I'm going to be honest here, I can replace the "we" in the preceding paragraph with "I." Historically, I've been the one making things happen. Make the plan, work the plan. And what I've seen happen over and over in my life is that I find myself exactly where the plan led me, but realize that it's not really where I want to be at all! So how do I figure out where I want to be??

Recently my friend Molly shared a recording on the topic with me, and it has been turning in me for weeks. The speaker was Derek Rydall, and he did an interview with Kristin Howe from the Manifest Everything Now program. His take on manifestation really spoke to me, and is very much in alignment with what I've learned from my teachers over the years about the flow of energy in this universe. Rydall makes the bold statement that self-improvement is an oxymoron, and that the obsessive drive we have to improve ourselves actually takes us further from true fulfillment and covers up our original perfection - and often leaves us feeling more broken than we were when we began our quest for self-improvement! He claims we are already the thing we're seeking - that we have it all within us, all potential just waiting to be activated by our attention and intention.

Wow. Pretty heady stuff. But is it?

The ancient wisdom traditions I've studied also speak of emergence, although the languaging is somewhat different. Both the Mayan and the Egyptian Huna traditions I've studied teach of the perfection of the human spirit - that we are born with our full potential intact, like a blueprint in the genetic code of our cells. In fact, the word Huna means hidden treasure - that divine kernel of perfection that resides in each of us. In each cell of each one of us. Like the genetic blueprint that makes an acorn into an enormous oak tree, we are programmed to become exactly what and who we are. We don’t find the oak tree taking courses on self improvement, striving to have branches that are as beautiful as all of the other oak trees. In nature, original perfection is simply expressed.

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So if it's all right there inside of me, why can't I just express it already?

Could it be because I, like so many, treat expression like an emergenc-y? Try to make it happen, rather than let it happen? Or because I’ve been on a 25+ year journey of self improvement? Striving to be a better, more slender, more beautiful version of the absolutely amazing, perfect human being that was born 52 years ago?

I am learning to allow life to unfold. And what I'm discovering is that it makes for real, true living. It's much, much easier than forcing things. I have a level of contentment that I have never had before. All of the striving and pushing I used to do left me feeling as if I'd never "get there." What a revelation to see that I'm already there! Every day, I'm already there. 

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 I gotta say, I love my fifties. If that’s what it takes – age, experience, wisdom – to move out of that constant striving for something better, then I’m grateful for this phase of my life.

What is trying to emerge from your genetic blueprint, the soul of your being? How would it feel to just allow life to happen? To know the perfection that is in each day? These are questions worth pondering...

Sing for Your Life

It's Spring!

Right??

Just yesterday morning, I know I saw grass in the yard next door. Now - nearly a foot of snow.

In Spring!

I have been hearing a lot of complaining about the snow, about this long winter - and, yes, I've done a bit of complaining myself. I've also found myself wondering about what Mother Nature is telling us. In the old Wisdom Ways, the people watched, and listened for signs from nature. They received information as to what had come before, and what was yet to come by watching the cycles and seasons of life. So I've been thinking about that, and wondering about this late emergence of spring.

As I shoveled my walk this morning, these thoughts were turning in me - what parts of me are lying dormant like seeds in the frozen ground, huddled deep inside of me, waiting for those "just right" conditions before I feel free to express? Sometimes there is such a powerful yearning in my spirit, a longing to burst forth like the first brave shoots of daffodil, poking through the snow. I looked around, and it occurred to me that no matter how intrepid the daffodil, there was no way those shoots would find the sun today. The conditions are not right. No matter if we think daffodils should bloom in April or not, the cycle of this winter season is not complete.

Photo credit emiline at Flikr

Is this true of my own inner yearnings? I am an Aries woman, always on the go, always ready to get out there and make things happen. In many ways, this trait has served me well. But the deep, inner parts of me don't respond to that type of push. I remember when I was a little girl, I was doing a science experiment for school that involved planting seeds and documenting their growth. My little Aries self was certain I could make them grow faster - I made a little slit in the seed and gently pried it open before I put it into the earth. Even back then, I felt this urgency for emergence.

Now, at age 52, I'm finding myself working more with allowing things to emerge in their own time. Trusting that I am living, expressing, emerging in perfect timing each day. Taking care of myself, creating the right conditions - and, sometimes that means waiting for the right conditions. Waiting for the season to turn.

My mind was busy as my shovel worked the piles of snow. And then I heard it. Across the hush of the snow, the unmistakable song of a cardinal.

Photo credit: quietly me at Flikr

Bright and cheerful, cutting through the silence, filled with the pure joy of expression. The song of life. The sound of it - the energy of it - filled my heart with so much happiness. I looked around me and saw the beauty of the snow. I know, I'm hearing a collective groan from all the Minnesotans reading this - but I really did see the beauty. The peaceful quiet. The joyful expression of life.

So, my learning in this morning's shoveling exercise is this: we've got to sing for our life every moment of every day! The conditions are what the conditions are; what is emerging is what is emerging. But my song - nothing can keep my from singing my song of life. If the cardinals can sing with such pure abandon in spite of the cold and snow, so can I!

What form does your song of life take on this day? Maybe it's the smile you sent to the crabby waitress at breakfast. Maybe you reach out and call someone you haven't spoken to for awhile. Maybe you turn up the music loud and sing along to your favorite song - just because you can. Whatever the form, sing out loud, sing for your life!

Making a Lane Change

photo credit: Håkan Dahlström via photopin.com

Do you ever feel like this? Sort of off-kilter, knocked off your foundation, like you've "lost your moorings?"

For whatever reason, I've felt a bit off balance over the past couple of weeks. I've spoken with many others who have been feeling the same way. Is it the change of season? Here in Minnesota, we tend to blame almost everything on the changing seasons...or perhaps it's a disturbance in the force, a la Star Wars? The alignment of the stars? Whatever the reason, it's here. And it's disturbing. It feels like nothing is quite right.

The other day, in the course of just an hour or so, I made a series of phone calls from my "To Do" list. One call after the other felt like a roadblock. I got several No's to requests I made, then got cut off a couple times when I was placed on hold....my tension level was climbing. Normally I'm able to just let it go, move on to something else, it's no big deal. But because I've been in that off-kilter place, I was having hard time getting letting it go. It felt as if the door slammed shut on each path I ventured down.. You know the feeling, right?

For me, it starts as a tight feeling in my chest, then it'll move down to my gut, and if left unchecked, soon it feels like I've got a tiger inside of me that's going to explode out of my throat and take out the next person who tells me NO!

Definitely not the Peace Lane!

What's a gal to do when the obstacles are being thrown in front of you, when nothing feels right, when you've got a proverbial tiger in your tank?

Photo credit freefoto.com

I stopped. I stepped away from the desk, put down the phone. Looked out the window, watched the birds happily flitting around my bird feeder. Walked around outside (in our "spring-like" 40 degree weather). I breathed. I chuckled a bit at the rapid-fire succession of signs that life gave me telling me it was time to stop. With just that little bit of distance and focused attention on how I was feeling, it became easy for me to see the path forward. I was able to go back to my desk, pick up a project that I wanted to work on, and enjoy what I was doing. Sometimes, you just gotta step away from the "To Do" list.

My point is: even when we're feeling knocked off our foundation, just becoming aware of the state can prevent a serious spin-out into crazy, hair-pulling, blood pressure raising hell. There's a part of me that has always associated this awareness, or mindfulness as some would call it, with the image of a blissed out meditator sitting in lotus position chanting OM. This is not how most of us live our lives! What I've come to learn is that mindfulness of whatever state you're currently in can really change that state. 

So when you feel yourself start that tension spiral, STOP. Take a two-minute break. Even if you have to pretend it's a two-minute potty break in order to get away, step away from what you're doing. If you can be outdoors or even see outdoors, do it. Breathe. Pay attention to what you're feeling. Notice how you're holding tension in your body. Breathe some more.

It's not about trying to figure out what happened or what to do - it's about being completely present with what you're feeling. Sometimes just acknowledging it can shift you into a quieter state.

Think of it as changing lanes.

There are lots of techniques you can use to release tension. Some people breathe out tension as they exhale. Some visualize the tension melting away. Some folks feel better after a quick walk, or jumping up and down, or screaming into a pillow. No matter what technique you use, it starts with STOPPING and becoming present with what you're feeling. Sometimes, that's all the technique you need.